On Robin Williams

When I look at the body of work generated by Robin Williams, it's possible to see that he knew all the answers about compassion, and pain, and hope and courage and joy. He just couldn't internalize it. Mental illness steals the ability to internalize goodness. In heaven he will be complete, and happy and free! Yea God!

Real life as scripture

I just had this thought as I was preparing to write another column. What if real life was scripture? Could you preach on that? Could you find enough Kairos moments to see God? To witness to your faith? That's the point. I think.
Love,
Deborah

Decisive Faith

When I look at the entry records of my blogpost, it seems hard to believe that it's been almost three months.
Change...again! Arghhh... This time only the process of emptying two storage units into the place where I already reside. Only unpacking this time, not packing.

So...maybe your life isn't running the way you want it too. It's such a process.

But I have stood apart from myself and been amazed that, once again, I have chosen to believe God has good in store for me. Faith.  I have, once again, decided to have faith.

What I have seen this time, is that the collection of small decisions to be faithful in small situations has collective aggregated to a large blessing.

Ah...so that's what scripture meant about 'who is faithful in the small will be trusted with the large'. It wasn't a test, it was an accumulation. A gathering of decisions to be faithful when all signs pointed to 'stupid'.

Go for it! Testable and measurable as they say in education circles.
Love,
Deborah

Waiting

"They that wait upon the Lord..." Yea, right. That's what I wanted to do...wait. So on Tuesday you start thinking about your sermon, or if you are a lay person maybe an agenda, or if you are a non church going believer, a situation, or if you are a seeker, a proof. By Thursday you're a bit frustrated nothing is coming. By Friday, panic is setting in. Saturday you roll something out that isn't quite what you wanted.

Agenda prep? You try to contact everyone to see who has what to discuss or report. No answer. Then there's the person who has tons and balance on the agenda seems to be the issue. By the night before the meeting you're convinced that the whole thing is pointless or at least going South fast.

Situation? Two days into it, you're beginning to use 'duct tape and a hammer'.  Never a good idea.

Seeker? Proving the existence of something invisible and discerned takes eons.

What do we do with waiting? Let it happen. Busy ourselves with what is doable, what is rewarding, the small steps that move towards a big happening.

Acknowledge that waiting is a part of life. It doesn't mean something has gone wrong or needs to be speeded up. It means that we are time bound. We are concrete beings. We are hemmed in by others and the events that result from that.

It could be worse. Have you had that time in your life when everything seemed to be happening too fast?
Think about it!
Love,
Deborah

The Unseen and the Unknown

Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! I cried out as my body pitched sideways towards the woodpile and the concrete next to it.

Feeling as if someone had stuck their foot out and tripped me, I sent out that prayer as my extremities instinctively sought to save me from the full impact.

My daughter, newly returned to the area had been telling me for months I needed to use a cane. The foot drop I had developed because of a very severe childhood car accident when my legs were pinned under the back seat of an old style Renault, the engine resting on them.

People came from every direction, kinda sorta rushing but not eager to find bad news. Because I am the kind  of person who jokes her way through stressful situations, I don't always look hurt or helpless enough. But I was. Hurt. When I right myself, the signal from my brain to my right leg was gone. I could think 'lift' all I wanted to, but the leg would not respond.

Aid cars came and I couldn't make a decision of what to do or who to call. Lifting my leg like a marionette by the pant leg instead of a string, they put me back into my car. I laboriously replenished the car with some fuel and then somehow drove myself back to my little Island. Stopping at the fire station to see if I could have someone follow me home and help me into bed, I emerged from the ladies room pit stop I had requested in the wheelchair they insisted I use to find myself facing a gurney and an aid car. I was going to the hospital.

Life has not been the same since. In the slow wheels of medical assessment and paperwork, I am in the process of finding out exactly what damage was done. The signal returned to my leg after about three or four days. Using a walker for a month, I am now on a four toed cane. Most likely it is permanent.

It's just a cane. I have returned to a lifestyle I knew in the years immediately following the accident. I am visibly disabled.

In just three months, I have had to rework and redesign my entire life. It has pressed me so close to God, he feels like a constant friend and coach. I stay away from 'why' and instead ask 'what good can come of this , Lord?'. My prayer is for the 'bad' to be recomposted for 'good' as quickly as possible.

All my years of enduring hardship and seeming impossible challenges have provided a foundation on which I can build a new life that is positive and responsive to whatever call it is the Lord has given me; to continue the work I was beginning to do in adaptive ways.

Be bold and strong in the little days of obstacles, that during the big days of a complete curve ball being thrown your way, you are adept and surrender and listening.

Now lest I sound too noble, and in case some of you are going through the first little bit of an extreme situation, know that I spent the first twenty four hours crying out, and venting, and acknowledging my fears.

Then I surrendered the unknown to the Unseen.
I'll keep you posted. My faith is stronger than ever.
Love,
Deborah

Between two Xmases

Western Xmas is over and Eastern Xmas is about to be celebrated. In the middle of this experience is the Western New Year.

I love it. We celebrate the birth. We commit to a new year and new ways in our lives, and then we re-celebrate the birth.

Yea God!
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Christmas...
Love,
Deborah

Getting in the Boat instead of Swallowing Saltwater

This past weekend brought the privilege of attending two back to back women's events of a contemplative and reflective nature; one in the morning and one in the afternoon. The afternoon event, actually, was a whole day event and so since I was going to miss the morning time of reflection I asked for the questions ahead of time so I would be in the groove of the day when I got there.

The focus was on the story of Jesus being asleep in the boat in the storm with the disciples while they panicked about the whole situation.

"Where are you? Where is Jesus" was the approximate question. As is possible on a quiet Friday afternoon with no one around and the sun pouring in, I was able to slip into my inner experience and whoa...there I was...outside the boat, tossed around in waves, treading water trying not to gulp too much salt water.

Wow... revelation! Epiphany! Called up short and wanting!

So I spent some time hauling myself back in the boat and when Jesus woke up I told him I really didn't want to be in this particular boat, I wanted to be in another place. Honesty brings release and freedom, always.

Of course I have a few more conversations ahead of me before I figure out what to do about being in this boat, but it's lovely to confess I don't like where I'm being called, my 'now' place. Because the first step of being present in letting go of looking somewhere else.

Maybe for you too?
Love,
Deborah