What does ordination feel like?

I've just been working on a piece of writing that is about a decade old. It prompted me to think on this: What did your ordination physically feel like? What does it feel like to pledge yourself to serve God in counter culture ways? You did pledge to do that didn't you? Did it feel like you were dedicating yourself to be opposite pop culture? Or did it feel powerful in a self actualization kind of way? Is the sensation of being thought of as God's ambassador a good feeling physically?  Research says there are a heck of a lot of ordained people -- I would imagine in all faiths-- who are very depressed. That's supposedly a pretty out of body experience.

Are you a sin eater? A savior? The good time person who bespeaks peace in words and action? What does it feel like physically to carry those roles?  Are you an advocate for God's intellect? Or are you a chicken fryer who fixes the furnace when it's broken? What does the role you take on physically feel like?

We understand the incarnate God when we stay present in our bodies while we serve. I've got to confess that frequently that was the hardest part for me when I was a new pastor.

Full disclosure... right now I'm trying to lose a whole lot of weight I gained while I wasn't paying attention. I keep asking myself how my relationship with the Triune God will change when I am skinny. It's an important question for me. And yet I find that every time I ask it, I panic. I don't have any definitive, conclusive observation right now. I just wanted to bring it up. So.. tell me ... what's your experience been ?
Love,
Deborah

Not a Bad Question

I dumped a load on a friend the other day because I misunderstood about a meeting time. It took a day or two in considering all that had been written back and forth. I was honest about my feelings. There is a situation about which I am enormously sad. It has gone on for some time. When the dust cleared I realized I hadn't mentioned to my friend that I considered her a 'go to' person for this situation. She's in a season where she is doing a different juggle than myself. So... I thought about the disciples elbowing their way through the original creation of the Good News story and my mind's eye turned to Jesus.

You know how we've all made fun of the 'what would Jesus do?"  phenomenon a while back? Well... again and again when I am lost I turn to the shepherd who has gone to retrieve me and is carrying me back on his shoulder to the flock and ask... Jesus... friend, keeper, savior, rescuer, point to the Holy Spirit-er... what would do?  Then I have to ask the second question:  Can I do that?  I don't proceed forward until I  know the answers to those questions.

I remember back to when I spent three years as a solo pastor ( while single parenting) in a small rural church and think how many times it was possible to go a day with Jesus in my heart. He was always on my mind, ( pardon me Willie Nelson), but I wasn't always sitting on his shoulder letting him carry me.

Is ministry valid if Jesus is not primal? Yes, of course. But we may get lost. Sometimes Jesus says, pick up your bed and walk. Sometimes Jesus says, you're off the grid and behind the gate, let me carry you.

If today is a day you are carried count it as a blessing. It does not mean you are a weak leader, it means you are a loved disciple. Ask more questions on those days. You are closer to his mouth to hear his answer.
Love,
Deborah